Reboot.

It's been a strange year. At least that's what I'm telling people when they ask where I've been. Not many people are privy to the personal details but usually just mentioning full-time school and two jobs is enough to make people back off. August 2012 is where the strangeness began and August 2013 is where I plan to start anew. Again. I start anew a lot. I think that's a good thing for someone who used to be so frightened of change.

This past Monday, I started back at the gym because I need to lose the 10 pounds I've gained since moving to Portland. On Tuesday, I started 5K training because I see runners on the street and desperately want to be one. On Thursday, I rejoined my favorite yoga studio because it helps bring me peace. I've started reading (for pleasure), cooking and relaxing again. It feels awesome. I think I've started to find my footing in Portland, something I thought would just magically happen as soon as I landed back here. It did not. It took time and effort and heartbreak and anger and turmoil and recklessness to get me here. And here is where I am. This is my jumping off point. Portland holds so many things that I want to be a part of and this is the year that I start doing them, being them, joining them and loving them. It's also the year that I hope to start being myself. I was never really sure who that person was but I'm closer than ever to figuring her out.

Things I've discovered:

I'm an introvert. This may not be a shock to anyone else but I never really knew it consciously until very recently. I've also learned that there is no shame in introversion, that I cannot "become" and extrovert and that there is no reason why I should apologize for who I am. It's also very, very possible to thrive as an introvert, which is exactly what I plan on doing.

I love women's soccer. I went to my first Thorns' game a few weeks ago and was hooked. It's amazing to watch these badass women doing their thing. It makes me feel like I'm back at Mount Holyoke. I'm hoping to score season tickets for 2014.

The state motto for Oregon (and the Thorns) is "She flies with her own wings." This is not only awesome just as it is but also lends itself to a perfect addition to my dragonfly tattoo. Backstory: When I moved to Portland in 2000, I wanted a tattoo of a dragonfly that said "Freedom." The tattoo artist I went to couldn't make it happen (I wanted the word to be part of the dragonfly itself) so she suggested that it just symbolize freedom. I agreed. Now, I've found the best wording to go with my idea from 13 years ago. I can't wait to set up my appointment.

These are just a few things I'm excited about for the coming year. I hope that "blogging more often" will make the list too but only time will tell.

3/3/13

Clothes shopping with a two-year-old. And his mom. Sounds hectic. It was actually kinda fun.

3/2/13

First bike ride since...September? It felt great. And I rode on the streets!

3/1/13

Beer then wine and pizza with good people. A restorative evening.

2/28/13

Breakfast out included a biscuit and bottomless coffee.

2/27/13

FOUR HOUR NAP. That's right, I said it. Glorious. Just glorious.

2/26/13

I was reminded today that you can learn something from every single person you meet. You just might have to search a little and maybe give it a little bit of time to sink in.

2/25/13

Was accidentally an hour late for work. Oops. But my bosses are awesome. No screaming or threats. Imagine that.

2/24/13

Not one, but THREE $10 tips on deliveries tonight. Generous people are the best!

2/23/13

I took a nap today! That NEVER happens. It was only about 20 minutes...but still!

2/22/13

I have cute cats. That is all.

2/21/13

There's an Ikea in Portland...and I frequent it. Today's purchase: giant soup bowls and a rack to store bulk vegetables. $20. Boom.

Money Changes Everything. 2/20/13

Good tips tonight at work! That made up for dragging my tired ass there and working for six hours.

A Step in the Direction of Awesome.

Lots of learning today and it came accompanied by compliments! It's always nice hearing that you're on the right track (even if you already knew that anyway).

Rose Colored Everything.

I was reminded today of how far I've come this past year. Not just with school or work but mostly just my attitude towards life in general. I'm so grateful everyday that I can turn bad into good, unhealthy into healthy, sparse into thriving. It's a trait that (sadly) not everyone possesses. I wish I could teach it because there are some people in my life who I think would really benefit from it. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it can only be learned from experience. Such is life.

Peanut Sauce, You Complete Me.

I live two blocks from a Thai restaurant. It's cheap, it's delicious and did I mention it's two blocks away? Pad Thai soothes a rough work day quite well.

Introverts Unite! (How Ironic...)

I went to a Live Wire show featuring my new favorite author and introvert enthusiast, Susan Cain. It was awesome to see her in person and gain a few more insights on the type of person that I am. It's really cool to still be learning so much about myself at this point in my life. It's even cooler to learn that everything that I am is, not only acceptable but also, awesome.

Lovely Day.

It's sunny and beautiful today! Sixty-one degrees. Need I say more?

Valentine's Day Massacree.

This photo was taken today at the 1 Billion Rising flash mob in NYC to create awareness for violence against women. Someone out there created an event and flash mobs are happening worldwide today because of it. There's hope.

Moving Forward.

I'm happy that there are people who know how to forgive and forget, who can admit when they've done something wrong and laugh about it later. Grateful that today is much better than yesterday.

Culinary Therapy.

Today was a tough one but I'm grateful that slicing up and roasting a whole mess of vegetables is enough to calm me down and get my mind back where it needs to be.

Shut Up and Speak.

So happy I was introduced to Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. (She posted this pic on FB today.) She has proven the theory I've always suspected but never believed (until now) that there is nothing wrong with me, that quiet does not mean lazy or scared or uninterested. I'm a thinker. A listener. Silence does not mean I'm lacking. I could go on for days about this but I'll leave it at that. Thank you, Susan, for letting me (and others) know I'm perfectly normal just the way I am.

New Year Re-Do.

So, today is the lunar new year (aka Chinese New Year) and since I celebrated it last year as my "do-over new year," I'm keeping the tradition going this year. I already had my dumplings so let the games begin. And the gratitude.

Today, I'm grateful for my part-time job that allows me to go to school and pay my bills simultaneously. I applied on a whim out of desperation and was a little embarrassed to be working there considering my age and college education but it grew on me. And it keeps me financially afloat while still giving me time to study. I hear my coworkers complain about the job all the time and it always reminds me of when I was working for the psychopath, hanging on to my sanity for dear life, coming home too exhausted to eat and having nothing to say but exasperating stories of what had happened that day. But everyday, at least once a day, I found myself saying, "I'm grateful for my job." Somedays, I had to repeat it multiple times to convince myself of it, but I was grateful every day, good or bad, pleasant or terrifying. Staying there as long as I did allowed me to move back to Portland, which is the only place I want to be right now...except for maybe a white sand beach with a drink-fetcher as soon as I pass my test. Yeah...that'd be nice. But for now, I'm off to work. Here's hoping it's busy and I make good tips.

Ok, New Plan

I got off track with my posting. I didn't realize you couldn't change the date with the Blogger app, so I've got a series of posts all from the same day. It's unorganized and I don't like it.

So the new plan is to start again on Chinese New Year. I celebrated it last year as my new year so it makes sense, I guess. I've also decided to post everyday, as something is happening, not wait until the end of the day.

So there you go... Sunday I shall start anew...again. And there ain't a thang wrong with that.

Ya Betta Reconize.

Got a phone call from the tech at the hospital that I wouldn't need to be in until after lunch (yay!) and that he talked to another tech who said I was doing great. It's about time...

It's Time For the Percolator.

Decided I needed to get my ass in gear and get back in shape. Went to New Seasons after work to start the plan moving.

Caloric Heaven.

Burgerville chocolate hazelnut shake and waffle fries. Need I say more?

Oh, and I saw this outside of work.

Gettin' 'Er Done.

Had a great day at clinical. Finished my first two comps (of 40...) for this term. And to top it off, I was with the tech who I wasn't getting along with last term...and everything went just fine.

Thursdays, You Are Jam Packed.

I got to help on anesthesia cases at clinical. Went to class prepared and with all my work done. New leaf officially turned over.

Being Supportive.

Another day at Hot Lips with the new bug-filled system. My boss called me "the brassiere" of work for the day because I held up the counter, the ovens and the dishes while they tried to work out the kinks in the system. First time I've been called that. It felt kinda nice...

Perspective.

After trying to learn the new computer system at Hot Lips, a customer asked "Are you new?" I got annoyed since I'm not and this is a PIZZA job but she followed it up with "I was going to congratulate you on getting a job."
So grateful to be employed.

I'm Me, You're You, We're Cool

I had a great day at clinical because I got the feeling I wasn't being "watched" which is how I perform the best. Then I came home and made pork vindaloo. From scratch. Amazing.

The Test of Time

Got a call on my way home from work to have a drink with a friend I *never* get to have a drink with (children will do that to your life). Felt like old times. Oh, and there were tots.

What a great weekend filled with memories and love.

And I Act Like I Have Faith...

Powell's shopping, belated birthday lunch with a wonderful old friend. A beautiful wedding surrounded by some of my most favorite people. The best day I've had yet this year.

So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter

Friends in town! Lovely, wonderful, very missed friends! Spent the day shopping and talking, visiting and being awesome. Spent the evening sitting around the fire with brilliant women talking about how we're going to change the world. Needed. So, so very needed.

When the Going Gets Tough...

A great day at clinical that started out less than hopeful. I thought of leaving because I wasn't feeling well and everything seemed to be going wrong but I pushed through. Later that night was the first class of winter term. Really didn't want to go but, by the end, I was fired up and ready to organize myself take winter term by the balls.

What A Long Strange Day it's Been.

Today was a crazy day at clinical and, later, even crazier at work but it reminded me how much I thrive on being busy (and sometimes pure chaos).

You Say it's Your Birthday?

It's my birthday. I'm 35! (And that's ok.) I woke up at 5 to take 5:30 Bikram. I was just about to sit out for a few poses when the instructor announced it was my birthday and what a wonderful thing it was that I was starting my day with yoga. He then proceeded to tell the class they were to sing to me. Happy Birthday for the right side of triangle and For She's A Jolly Good Yogi for the left side. I couldn't sit out while people were singing to me so I pushed through and it actually gave me a bit of an energy boost. Who knew?
Later in the day, I had lunch with my birthday twin, a friend I met over 10 years ago who has the same exact birthday as I do. And she lives in Portland. What luck!

But the Fighter Still Remains.

First day back at clinical after Winter break. I was nervous that I wouldn't have it in me to put up the fight that was needed to make these people see that I'm completely capable of this job. But, as usual, I rose to the occasion. It's kind of what I do. What can I say, I love to be challenged.

Easy Does It

Dinner with a good friend and her very soon-to-be husband in their new house. Reminded me that not all relationships need to be so dramatic. And the best ones usually aren't.

Take Me In Your Arms (Rock Me A Little While)

Rocked out to some soul and Motown making a wedding playlist. I had forgotten how much I love doing this kind of stuff (haven't had much time for it recently anyway) so it was kind of awesome to be reminded by someone who knows me well enough to put me in charge of such things.

Feministic Pizza

All female crew at work tonight. And we rocked it.

Old Is New Again

Today consisted of Bikram yoga (my second class ever...which means I sat out for the sitting/kneeling postures due to nausea and dizziness), thrift stores (found a $10 pair of Kenneth Cole heels), noodles, tea and Scrabble (the real kind, not the iPhone app). I also retrieved a missed one from the airport.

Sweetness.

Today's Awesomeness

I met with the clinical coordinator at my site and found out she thinks I might be too quiet to take charge. This is awesome because, well, she's in for one hell of a surprise when she realizes how wrong she actually is. Proving to people that I'm quiet but also a force to be reckoned with is becoming something I enjoy. It's pretty great knowing that I can occasionally shock the hell out of people. I also got called in to work (this may not sound awesome to you but if you took a look at my bank account, you'd see why I think it is).

So, there you have it. Awesome with a side of money.

The Gratitude Project

I had an idea last year to find one thing everyday that I was grateful for and record it somewhere, somehow in some way. It didn't last any longer than about 3 days, partly because it was probably too elaborate and partly because I just wasn't in the right frame of mind for it.

I've seen an idea floating around the Internet for a few weeks where you write down on a slip of paper one good thing that happened everyday for a year and keep them in a jar. At the end of the year, you're supposed to go through and reread all your good things. The jar thing is cool and all but I've decided to blog it. Cuz, ya know, I already have a blog but I'd have to go out and buy a jar. So there you have it.

I'm starting with yesterday to get away from the whole "resolution" nonsense that I've never really been fond of.

So here goes:

December 31, 2012--I hate New Year's Eve and was feeling kind of shitty and missing my friends. I checked the mail and found a package containing a book and a DVD I had mentioned I wanted on Facebook. No card, no note. Just a great present that came exactly when I needed it.

January 1, 2013--I spent the day sharing a traditional Southern New Year's Day lunch with (and cooked by) one of my oldest and greatest friends while we worked on the playlist for her upcoming wedding. Today was soothing for both my heart and soul.

Done. And done.